Very well into 2013 , with this past few months being another low period of my life after about 2 years break, and not just my career but concerns on family and health. Cycles of ups and downs are getting shorter and more frequent . Is this a sign of aging both physically & emotionally . Some observations :-
1. My habits are more or less set in stone with very minor tweaks allowed. Old habits translate to my character being what it is or the reverse which is more true. Due to lack of strength on my part, when i am having downtime, it's very convenient to trouble the one person you love most in your life after the "emotional" trigger. To blame misfortunes on my wife is totally uncalled for and shifting the responsibility. Just like I expect from others, I must be held accountable and respond to the situation appropriately. In this regard, I must change or die changing...and accept the things I cannot change i.e. reality, society, health and circumstances.
2. Past 2 months, I have been doing my own soul-searching for the meaning of my existence and/or my life and doing "experiments with truth" (like the Mahatma Gandhi's book). I started attending weekly Gita class at Chinmaya centre here and then went for the talk/meditation and received Darshan (hug & prasad) from Amma (Mata Amritanandamayi Devi) when she visited Singapore recently.The more i am exposed to these talks, the more i question the reasons of us being "Here" in this world right now, why my situation is like this,and why others act like that. Being angry and believing people are conspiring against me due to age or experience (i.e. lack of in particular areas) or race or language (cannot speak the language of the majority race) makes me more angry and insecure.
3. At times, I have contemplated leaving my adopted country and seeking greener pastures abroad yet again.Even though my last experience about 7 years ago in this regard has been unsatisfactory especially on the career front and came back disillusioned from the Lucky country.. .. the fact is i sometimes feel the world here is closing in on me and work opportunities are getting lesser and lesser for experienced S'poreans like me, even though two-thirds of population here will be senior citizens (above age 50) by 2020..
well , till the next time i pen my thoughts, adios !
2. Past 2 months, I have been doing my own soul-searching for the meaning of my existence and/or my life and doing "experiments with truth" (like the Mahatma Gandhi's book). I started attending weekly Gita class at Chinmaya centre here and then went for the talk/meditation and received Darshan (hug & prasad) from Amma (Mata Amritanandamayi Devi) when she visited Singapore recently.The more i am exposed to these talks, the more i question the reasons of us being "Here" in this world right now, why my situation is like this,and why others act like that. Being angry and believing people are conspiring against me due to age or experience (i.e. lack of in particular areas) or race or language (cannot speak the language of the majority race) makes me more angry and insecure.
3. At times, I have contemplated leaving my adopted country and seeking greener pastures abroad yet again.Even though my last experience about 7 years ago in this regard has been unsatisfactory especially on the career front and came back disillusioned from the Lucky country.. .. the fact is i sometimes feel the world here is closing in on me and work opportunities are getting lesser and lesser for experienced S'poreans like me, even though two-thirds of population here will be senior citizens (above age 50) by 2020..
well , till the next time i pen my thoughts, adios !
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